


Dinnertime Debates

by VickyVicarious



Series: Tiny Turnabouts [48]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, 逆転裁判 | Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: Gen, Humor, M/M, Not a Crossover, at least in the fandom discussion they're having, though with a smidge of potential moral ambiguity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 13:29:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11149404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VickyVicarious/pseuds/VickyVicarious
Summary: Phoenix and Edgeworth debate Sirius Black’s innocence, courtroom style.





	Dinnertime Debates

"OBJECTION!" Phoenix roared, splattering hot sauce across the table when he swung his finger out to point without dropping his buffalo wing. "The resemblance between the defendant's animagus form and a death omen have no bearing on this case! That was a red herring if I ever saw one."  
  
"Agreed," Edgeworth stated coolly. He picked up his napkin and dabbed at the sauce now speckled across his shirt with a disgruntled expression. "However, it makes for a parallel: just as the readers were primed to initially believe the worst of Mr. Black due to his suspicious behaviors, so too were the government at the time of the murders."  
  
"Just because his family were Dark wizards - "  
  
"- and he the obvious Secret-Keeper of the Fidelius Charm. His explanations otherwise would appear only a criminal's excuses. And, if he knew who was responsible, why did he not inform the authorities at once?" Edgeworth shook his head mockingly. "Prejudice there may have been, but there was also a clear intent on Mr. Black's part to murder Mr. Pettigrew."  
  
"W-wait," Phoenix paused. "You're not even bothering with the Potter murders, then?"  
  
"I said he would be convicted of mass-murder, Wright. Twelve Muggles and one wizard certainly qualify." Edgeworth shrugged. "Though of course, without testimony to the contrary, there would be no reason for a court to dismiss the Potter charge as well... but we possess knowledge they didn’t have."  
  
"Which is why we know he's completely innocent of everything."  
  
"And on that note.... The prosecution would like to call their first witness." Edgeworth stood, left the room, and returned a moment later with two books. He let _The Prisoner Of Azkaban_ fall onto the dinner table with a _thud_. "Professor Severus Snape, Hogwarts Potions Master and former schoolmate of the accused. In his youth, he was the near-victim of Black's first known attempted murder."  
  
"OBFJESHION!" Phoenix roared, around a mouthful of food. He swallowed hard, rose to his feet, and slammed both hands down on the table. Silverware jumped. "That was the unintended consequence of a momentary lapse in judgement! Mr. Snape had been harassing the defendant's friend! You can't make a case for attempted murder based on something like that!"  
  
Edgeworth pulled out _The Half-Blood Prince_ and dropped it atop the first book. "Ah, but the Professor doesn't seem to agree. From his statements in book three it is clear he believed the murder attempt was real. And as we see in book six, this was far from an isolated incident. Black and his friends - those so-called Marauders - regularly engaged in both mundane and magical forms of bullying against Mr. Snape."  
  
".....There's a flaw in your reasoning, Edgeworth," Phoenix pointed out, now nonchalantly sipping his beer. "You assume Mr. Snape was a helpless victim; in fact, that couldn’t be less true. He invented a deadly curse at only sixteen years old, and at least one of the spells the Marauders used against him was of his own design. How would they have learned the invention of such a secretive boy, if not from having observed it performed? Snape was an active contributor in the feud, even prompting the Whomping Willow incident with his repeated investigations of Mr. Lupin's true nature. Snape has since shown himself to be extremely biased against all former Marauders. He believes the worst of them and is even willing to blame an innocent child for a decade-old rivalry. He's hardly a reliable witness."  
  
Edgeworth narrowed his eyes as he ate an onion ring.  
  
"Of course," Phoenix acknowledged, spreading out his hands, "that does not excuse Mr. Black's actions in school. He had a group of powerful friends and he repeatedly went too far. The incident in question is simply another example of his temper where Mr. Snape is concerned. It was wrong of him, and he acknowledged as much as an adult; however, he did not intend to cause Snape harm, simply to scare him."  
  
"So what you are saying," Edgeworth mused, between pensive nibbles, "is that Black was prone to bursts of temper, during which he failed to think through the potentially fatal consequences of his actions. You are saying Black was driven by a sense of misguided loyalty to his friends, going to violent extremes to defend them. .....You are saying, in short, that Mr. Black's vicious and imprecise attack against Mr. Pettigrew was completely in character for the man. Feeling justified by his rage over the Potters' deaths, Mr. Black attempted to murder Pettigrew. Despite failing, he nonetheless killed twelve innocents and sliced off two of his former friend's fingers. Believing his revenge complete, he then laughed madly at the sky until his apprehension by the authorities."  
  
The prosecutor sketched a bow over his plate. Phoenix stared, aghast.  
  
"What? N-no, I - WHAAAAT?" he reeled back, eyes wide. "That was all a trap!"  
  
Edgeworth merely smirked.

“Look,” Phoenix argued, “Sirius was furious with Pettigrew, for good reason, but… I mean, the man himself confessed to those murders! Black may have chased Pettigrew down, but he didn’t get so far as hurting anyone. Pettigrew is the one who blew up that street.”  
  
“Ah, yes. Eleven victims with one curse. Strange, how such an incompetent wizard was able to cast so powerful a spell. Black, on the other hand, was well-known for being an excellent wizard.”  
  
“Hold it! Pettigrew was able to bring Voldemort back to life,” Phoenix pointed out. “That was some extremely complicated magic right there.”  
  
“I think, upon rereading, you’ll find that he did very little spellwork. He also had little to no knowledge of what he was doing, simply following orders.”  
  
“Ah, but you forget, he was able to become an Animagus as a teenager. That has to point towards some skill.”  
  
Unexpectedly, Edgeworth only smirked again. “I think a little more research would teach you that the process of becoming an Animagi involves relatively little spellwork. Pettigrew may well have been a fair potioneer; however, his dueling skill in all the books has never matched the murder scene. Black, on the other hand, was a powerful wizard – one with clear motive, opportunity, and a history of violent rages.” He sliced a piece of meat off his buffalo wing with a fork and knife, and took a bite, chewing smugly. “How would you defend that, Wright?”  
  
“I.... Um. Veritaserum? Wait, crap, don’t even bring up Crouch, I remember. They don’t consider it valuable enough. I – I’d raise the possibility of a third wizard, a third spy.” Phoenix hesitated, but then plowed on ahead: “Remus Lupin.”  
  
“And expose him as a werewolf?”  
  
“……If I had to. Hopefully not, but at least I’d buy a day to investigate. I’d track down Pettigrew, get him to confess – ”  
  
“Pettigrew would confess to anything if he thought it’d save his life, the coward! And I’d prove that,” Edgeworth menaced, leaning forward over the table, “by scaring him into confessing something blatantly false. And, of course, Lupin’s alibi would be presented as well.”  
  
Phoenix snarled.  
  
“Scaring Pettigrew - that’s leading the witness,” he protested. “The Judge would have to strike it from the record!”  
  
“But everyone would still remember,” Edgeworth replied craftily. “And, in the absence of any proof to the contrary, Black’s guilty verdict would be assured – ”  
  
“ _PRIORI INCANTATO!_ ” Phoenix shouted, slamming his hands down on the table. “An analysis of Black’s wand would show that he did not cast the Blasting curse that day! And of course, any examination of Pettigrew’s wand would reveal the truth of the matter.”  
  
“Hmf. You act as though you are a stranger to the concept of stealing wands. All it would take is a simple Expelliarmus, and then Black could use Pettigrew’s wand against him, before destroying it afterwards. The wand was never found, you will recall.”  
  
“I bet if I cast an Accio over the crime scene, the pieces would all zoom back.”  
  
“A broken wand cannot reveal its past spells.”  
  
“Well, I’d call in Ollivander to fix it, then!”  
  
“If he wasn’t capable of fixing a wand simply snapped by the Whomping Willow, do you really believe the shattered pieces of a wand deliberately destroyed in combat would be mendable?”  
  
“Maybe the Weasleys just didn’t have the funds to pay for getting it fixed! They’d have to _try_ , at least. And that would give me time to bring up the motorcycle – ”  
  
“Oh, please – ”  
  
“DADDY! PAPA!”  
  
Phoenix and Edgeworth froze. Slowly, they turned to face the end of the table… where Trucy sat, scowling.  
  
“In case you forgot, I’ve been sitting here this whole time,” she sniped. “Getting spoiled for the rest of the series, as well as being ignored, thanks a bunch for that.”  
  
Phoenix shrugged apologetically; Edgeworth, far more sensitive to the woes of a fan, winced in horror.  
  
“Trucy, I sincerely apologize – I never meant – ”  
  
“It’s… fine, I guess,” she sighed. “I mean, you didn’t spill anything too huge anyway, and I guess it’s kinda my fault for not reading these sooner. Or for bringing up the subject of trials with you guys. You always get all carried away and forget everything else, even when they’re only imaginary.”  
  
“Aww, Truce.” Phoenix softened considerably, and reached out to lay a hand on his daughter’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. We don’t mean to leave you out. Hey – what do you think the verdict would be?”  
  
Edgeworth perked up a little in his seat, exchanging a competitive glance across the dinner table at Phoenix. Trucy looked back and forth between her fathers, hesitating.  
  
“……Nope,” she decided. “Not touching that one. Go ask the Judge if you want a verdict.”  
  
Phoenix got that gleam in his eye which suggested he was ready to do just that, but Edgeworth hastily cleared his throat, adjusting his glasses. “T-that won’t be necessary.”  
  
“It might be,” Phoenix warned, expression stern. There was a smile in his voice, though: “I mean, after you hear my theory on what giving Hagrid his motorcycle said about his mental state...”  
  
“Ha! When it’s clearly a sign he was willing to die getting his revenge – “  
  
Trucy shook her head bemusedly as the squabbling started up again. Her dads were such dorks, taking everything way too seriously. After all, Harry Potter was fun and all – but it had nothing on real magic.  
  
Speaking of which, she had an idea for a trick that involved turning into a rat…

**Author's Note:**

> ...so, I'm just saying, an AU where Sirius did actually murder the muggles on the street would be a fascinating read.


End file.
